My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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