there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
