which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
