Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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