so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
