Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
