He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
