Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
