Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
