She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
