if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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