Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
