That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
