it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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