hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
