Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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