no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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