Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
