Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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