Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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