he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
