he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
