We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
