Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
