Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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