I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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