y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
