I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
