I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
