You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
