Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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