apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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