the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
