I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
