but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
