I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
