shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
