U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
