I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
