I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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