Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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