Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
