everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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