this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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