piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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