Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
