I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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