chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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