just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
