Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
