Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
